Turned the Corner and I am on the way up

Hello.

I know it has been a long time but I have been busy with finishing up my radiation treatments. They went back after a week and decided to not finish the last two treatments to the upper area. They went ahead with the area along the scare. They call that the booster area. They feel it needs treatment due to the fact that some cancer cells hide along the incision. I am finished with active treatment.

I started yesterday on meds that I will take for the next five years. It is an aromatase inhibitor which for post menopausal women should help reduce estrogen and keep cancer away. Five years out is all the know about its effectiveness. So it is still a crap shoot for time after that....hopefully, I will be among the lucky and it will never return. That is my hope anyway.

I had a 64th birthday celebration shortly after finishing my radiation. It was nice. A big surprise gift for me was that my sister, Rose, came from KC using up her frequent flyer miles.

My son and my daughter knew she was coming but Bob and I surely did not. Bobby came in first and announced someone was at the door to see me. At the same time the phone rang and I was also taking to Cathi via Internet (Skype) and talking to guests at Maura O'Neill's birthday party . ( her mother in law) It was confusion , but nice confusion.

The party I had Sunday was really to thank some folks for being there for me for the length of the treatment. My cake read ,along with Happy Birtday,....Celebrating Life....which I was doing.

I will post a photo of me with my hair slowly returning with eyebrows and eye lashes. It is a bit scary looking but I do have some cover for my head that will keep me a bit warmer than last winter. We already have cold temps here with snow predicted for tomorrow ( 1-3 inches) so winter comes early to these here parts.

I hope all of you are doing well and that you continue to pray for me along with my brother, Larry, who is also being treated for cancer (lung). He is just starting his treatment and will need all the prayers you can offer. Thank you for your support. I will continue to post from time to time as my hair comes in and things fall into a more normal pattern.

Light at the end of the tunnel

Well have not written for a while. Cathi and the girls were here for 6 weeks and I enjoyed them. At times they wore me out, but for the most part they help pull me along and helped the time pass as I finished up my chemo and started my radiation treatment. Aine was curious enough to visit the hospital to see the large room and machines that did the radiation treatment. She watched a bit more from a monitor with Bob. She is a very bright and curious girl. It was fun to see how her mind works. I have finished 16 treatments and have 17 more to go so almost halfway through. They had to realign the treatment area during the last treatment. It was off by 3 mm. so they had to take xrays and move the blocks on the radiation machine a 45 min production which means you lay perfectly still on a hard cold steel bed. Ugh.


The treatments normally take just under 20 mins. I have been having some tummy issues. Due to the field being so large (so they think). I also stopped taking some pain pills due to pain from neurathropy. So the stomach has calmed down some....just can't eat a lot at one time. But I am getting through it. Can't wait to get it over with....I will celebrate my 64th birthday, Oct. 5th in style this year with a cake and food the few friends I have here. I think it will be time for a celebration, dont you?

Cathi is with Bobby in Portland now. She has gone to the zoo with the girls and Bobby is taking them to lunch today and to the gem shop. Aine is into collecting gems.Tonight she and Bobby and the girls will have dinner with their cousins in Auroa. Tommorrow she packs. She has a lot of stuff, not sure how it is all going to get back to Ireland. But I think she is going to Good Will (which is across the street) and get another case for all the goodies she has aquired over the weeks here. Thursday she and the girls will take my fully loaded (with suitcases) car to the airport and Bobby will travel in his car and between the two of them willl hustle two girls and many suitcases into the airport and eventually unto the plane. I hope it all works as planned for her. She is a brave young lady to travel for so long and cover so much of Orgeon to give her girls a good view of this state. I love her for bringing them and and for sharing her summer with me as I went through the last of my treatment.


Bob will take the bus to Portland on Friday and get the car and bring it to Bobby's apartment house and stay for a bit with him. I have no treatment on Monday, Labor Day so he can come back on Monday at some point. It will be nice to see my car again and when I am strong enough I can drive myself to places close by (docs and stores). I have not driven much in last year due to being weak from surgeries, chemo and radiation but the time will come soon when I can get back to it. I know Bob will be happy.

Along with all the things going on here, we had sad news from my brother, Larry. He has cancer. It was found in the bones but they have traced it back to the lung where he has a tumor on the outside of the lung. He and his family have gone to Sloan Kettering for advice ( He lives in Reading Pa.) and he is being treated with chemo for the time being. He and his family need your prayers also. He has a long road of treatment ahead of him and they need all the prayer support you can offer.

Weather here is getting cooler. Fall like the last two days. But they say it will warm up again before the end of the week so this is just a taste for the real stuff will come soon enough here and snow will be in the mountains by October.

Have a great week. Sorry for not writing so much. Been busy with kids and there are days when I am just not up to it...tired...and these fingers are still numb along with my feet. Ugh. But the light is at the end of the tunnel and I am almost there. Keep the prayers coming and I will try to do better in writing.

Last Chemo July 7th 2008

The 2nd course of chemo with Taxol was more painful than I thought it would be. I have severe neuropathy in my feet and hands. The top 1/3 of my finger tips are numb so if I make a lot of typos you will know why. I have no taste buds left....everything has a chemical taste. Ugh. I hope it goes away soon. I am hungry and loaded with steroids which are making my blood sugar pretty unstable and makes your hungry but stuff taste like crap so ....

I have finished with all 8 chemos. I go tomorrow for a CT Scan and to start the mapping for radiation. I am still pretty weak but I need to press on with what I have to do.

Cathi and the girls have been here for awhile. The girls ( 51/2 and 4) are darling. They wear me out but they are so innocent and so much fun to listen too. Sometimes I just lay on the sofa and hear them make up their pretend games. They are princesses, fairies, pirates, angels....it is so cute. I have tried to do a bit with them. Bob and I took them to MC Donalds where they have an in door play yard. And we did go up to Sisters...a town 20 miles away for the quilt show where Cathi entered a quilt. Those two days wore me out. My 2 nieces and my grand niece where here too for a few days along with Bobby. So we had a full house which further wore me out but was fun having them here and listening to their adventures (they went rafting and took some side trips here). Aine and Aisling loved having them here too. They took too them and cried when they left.

Our next door neighbors graciously left us the keys to their house ( they live in Lake Tahoe most of the year) and security code so the girls and Bobby stayed there at night and spent evenings here playing Wii and dominoes. The girls and Cathi went to story time at the library and MCDs today with Bob and Cathi So thought I would write.

I am a bit scared about the next step CT and mapping for radiation. I sure wish it were all over. I am so tired and weak and just want some normalcy back but guess it will be a while for that to all return. In the meanwhile, pray that all went well and that I will be on my way to recovery when it is all over. I have 6 weeks of radiation coming up shortly (everyday for 5 days) Then hopefully, it will be over and my body can start recovering.

I miss you all. I miss hearing from some of you but understand how life is for most of us....busy and filled with other worries.

Keep me in your prayers. Love, Pat

Chemo 7 24th June 2008

Hi, Sorry for not having written. I am not doing very well. A lot of pain. My stomach is taking the brunt of it this time. It is a feeling of fullness (gassy), not nausea. It hurts and I can not sleep. Doc says it is just the chemicals working and nothing I can do. I am so weak that it is taking everything I have to keep this up. Blood counts remain low. Muscles and foot pain remain. I am pretty miserable and praying for it all to be over soon. It is so hard. Just one more treatment and I am not looking forward to it as I know what follows but then hopefully, I will have some respite. Please God that is true.

I took some pictures last time of folks at the clinic that do the infusions they are part of the treatment team. They are a good group of folks though limited in what they can do for really taking the accumulating pain away.

I miss not hearing from many of you. Miss your calls, cards, just miss knowing that you must be out there but don't hear ya breathing. Being alone (except for Bob) is the worst of it....no support system makes for a long treatment schedule. Please keep me in your prayers. I am just wanting to put this all behind me. Still have radiation to get through but I can't be as hard as for months of chemical invasion and loneliness that in the end you go through this alone.

6th Chemo Day

Well, June 10th was the last chemo. It went well enough. This time the docs gave me meds for the intense pain of the neuropathy in my foot and the muscles. But the meds they give you are steroid loaded. So, again for the next four days I had very little sleep, but the pain was less severe.

I was to take the meds for a week but about the 6th day, I just said I have to get off of this stuff as I was unable to sleep. I had started to taper off the 4th day to one a day but still little sleep came. Plus the pain pills they give when you taper off on the steroids made me miserable. My stomach was upset, I needed laxatives so that the pain in my gut would go away. So, I got through the first week.

Last night I had a decent night's sleep for the first time in a long while and today I was well enough to write a few words here. I wish I could tell you all was well and that I am not having any problems with this treatment but I am really struggling through it. Your prayers are essential on the nights when sleep will not come and I feel so alone. I know millions in the world go through the same thing. Many with worse outcomes than mine but when you are going through it in the middle of a long night it is so hard so very difficult.

But today with sleep and the sun shinning and the cool breezes blowing here this morning all is right with the world. I am still a bit weak as my red cell counts remain low but at least I feel almost human again. I only have a few weeks left til Cathi and the girls come. They will buoy my spirits and make things a bit more tolerable. Thanks again for cards and other gifts that come periodically. Do not forget me. Keep the prayers coming. Have a good summer day.

5th Chemo

I had my 5Th Chemo on May 29Th a Tuesday. My doc reviewed my numbers and they were okay except for my red blood cell count which is getting dangerously low. I am now anemic. My number was 8 which makes me pretty low. If the number drops a drip more, I will need a transfusion. This will delay the chemo sessions. I am trying this week to make myself eat more red meat to get the blood count up. So far , I am doing okay. Eating more red meat than I have eaten in one week for years. I hope it works.

The taxol treatment was okay. They watch you closely for the first hour or so if there are any complications (like a dangerous drop in blood pressure) they will take place in the first hour. I got through the 5 hour drip okay. I got home and was okay. Til the next afternoon when the pain started. It seemed like all the muscles groups were aching. The pain was pretty severe. It also causes neuropathy in your hands and feet which I had in very painful proportions on a scale of 1-10 it was a `10 + for the next 3 days. I called the doc on Weds (the on call doc for the practice) and they finally sent me some meds the next day. I got a total of 8 hours sleep over the next 3 nights as my feet would not stop hurting. Since I have some neuropathy for the last 10 years this just added to it in a big way.

The muscle pains stopped with the meds but foot pain did not stop until Sunday night. So it looks like if there is a side effect I have a propensity to acquired it. Today my feet are almost back to normal. I know that Taxol had these possibilities but I never thought the pain would be so severe. I go back to doc tomorrow for blood tests to see if the red cell count is up and to check on my eye infection which seems to be clearing up okay.

I am trying to hang on and to decide if we should continue with the taxol treatments or go to another drug that is similar but not really tested on a long term basis. If I can put up with 3-4 days of pain I can deal with it but if it becomes progressively worse I am not sure I can deal with that level of pain for long periods of time. It wore me out. I did sleep Sunday night so I am able to function today. Thank God for that. Today, I have stopped taking all meds as I am pretty much back to normal.

I am still receiving all kinds of cards from so many places and they all have been placed around the bedroom. I am taking great strength from them and the prayers and well wishes within them. I know when I look at them , all of you are praying for me and that is such a wonderful thing to know. So thank you for all cards and thoughts. It means so very much to me.

It is already June. I have a friend from Maryland who is visiting with her family in Seattle coming for a day this week. Next month Cathi comes and will be here through August with the girls. Then other Maryland friends and family from Missouri will come over September and October so I will have some company and that should help give me more strength and support.

So, I just have to try to get myself through the next 3 chemos and the radiation treatments. I just trying to do it day by day. It is a long struggle but one I am going to get through and find healing on the other side.

Keep the prayers coming. I am great need of them as the dark hours I must still go through can only be gotten through on the strength of prayer. God bless you all.

Chemo Day #4 May 2008

Well I had my fourth chemo. The doc saw the rash which you can see on my hands and was also on my tummy on the right side. In the photo I will attach it is quite visible

Seems that the PA thought it was Shingles. When the doc saw it he was not sure. But said to continue meds that I started for Shingles treatment. I saw him today(19th) as he wanted to make sure it was clearing up before the next chemo on May 27th. It has been a week since the meds ended and the rash appears to be gone. So we will continue on with the Taxol treatment which will be over the next two months. It will be less toxic to stomach but will affected nervous system so will have to see how it affects the neurothropy I have already in my right foot. I am sure that there will be some effect but hope not too much so I can continue with it and get this chemo stuff out of the way.

Thanks for the cards....again I have received several from around the world and here in the States too. The latest one was from Marseille, France. So to all who send cards and call and send flowers thanks for taking the time to think of me. It brightens my day and gives me courage to keep fighting on with these horrible treatments.

The weather has finally turned here and we have actually been in the 90s part of last week. We will cool into the 70s for a high this week which to me is perfect weather.

Take care. Have a good week. Enjoy the warmth of the sun. Write or call when you are inspired to do so. It means so very much.

Happy Mother's Day

Hello. Happy Mother's Day!!! Hope you had a great day. I was lucky to receive two beautiful flower gifts from Cathi and Bobby. Thanks kids.

The rash I talk about last week has spread and now I have been diagnosed with Shingles. All seem to be on the left side. It includes a bit of pain along the left rib cage. Say some prayers that the meds they gave me keep it from getting too severe. So far so good. It does not seemed to have spread.

The weather has finally broke and we now have some lovely blooming trees. I will try to show them later.

I am okay. I start chemo four on Monday. I hope the doc does not stop it due to the Shingles the PA that saw me did not think he would. I just want to get the awful AC over with now. I will find out I guess on Monday.

I hope that all you Mom's had a great day!!! I know I was lucky to have two children who gave me no trouble (until the teens of course). But as young adults they are good hearted, smart and caring adults and that is all a Mom can ask for in their children. I feel blessed for sure.

Have a great week and keep up the prayers. I have the chemo on Monday the last of the AC !!!

Then four more of Taxol. So we are at the half way point. That is something I will celebrate this week. How about you?

Chemo Day # 3 April 2008

Hello again. It is still cold in Bend. We may have snow again. I am not happy. I want sun. Please send sun.!!!!

Well, I just had chemo # 3 and I am still able to carry on. Just don't feel so hot. But I am trying to ignore what I can and just carry on with life best I can.

Newest thing this week is a rash on the left arm on which I had my compression bandage for lympdema control. This is not good but doc thinks it may be a rash from the bandage so I am not to wear it for a week and I am to keep it dry. I think we had a couple of warm days and I sat out with sweater and maybe that act caused it. We will keep an eye on it and hope it goes away. I had been massaging my arms with lotion and then applying the band. I think it was too much lotion under the bandage and it was not drying before I put the band on it. It is not itching so think it is just a rash that will eventually go away.

I took my camera to the infusion center and took a picture of me with ,Buddy, the bear my friend Carol sent from Maryland. I will take pics of other things folks have sent as time goes on. Buddy has been with me in hospital and helped on nights I could not sleep after surgery. It helped to hug buddy and relieve some pressure from under my arm. So Buddy will go first since he came first to my house. Others will follow.

I would like to acknowledge the cards with angels, crosses, appliqued flower, and just good wishes from Linda Jamison, Ala.; Kathy Peterson, Mo, with info from my old Alma mater, my sister, Mary with a nice card, Susan Shepard,Kansas, Joann Bayone ,Washington. and from far away Australia, a post card from Colleen Eskridge. Most of these ladies are internet friends of Cathi's which makes this very special.

Thanks to all who continue to pray and know that I miss you all and hold you all deep in my heart.

Have a good week. Hope it is one filled with love and laughter.

I am beginning to look more like Dad

Well, I have had my ups and downs. Today is a better day than yesterday. Monday was a good day I ate well. Then Tuesday came and I spent the day running to the bathroom. So, I am still not sure how this will work. Seems that each round of chemo may be harder to come back from at least the first 4 of the AC which are very toxic to the sytem.

My friend, and the gal who cuts my hair, Linda, came by on Monday to shave my head. The hair was falling into my mouth and into my food and getting knotted up...so off it went.

I got on the Internet today for the first time in awhile with Cathi and the girls in Ireland. They wanted to see my bald head so I showed them. Aine, 5, the oldest said it looked like a grandpa head. The youngest just stared and run away and came back and forth to demand I take my hat off and show her my bald head.

They are of course the delight of my life. I will post some pics of them along with my bald head and a pic of our half inch snow fall we were greeted with Tuesday morning. I am very unhappy with the weather. I think we are amongst the coldest places in America right now. It was 14 on Saturday morning....14!!!!

I just have to hang in there and try to weather this storm. I am hoping it all goes quickly. I can't wait to be finished with chemo!!!

I hope you have a warm week. We are still looking for Spring to arrive here. If you see it, send it our way.

Thanks to those who are sending cards. They mean a lot to me. Cathi, my daughter, has friends from all over sending cards. This week I have had cards from England , South Africa, and Holland. Keep the prayers coming. Will write again in a few days.

Scary Hairy

Well, this week was not so good. I had a harder time getting through the effects of chemo. It is Saturday and I am just starting to turn the corner I think. Really felt punk all week. Hair is looking scary. I have lots of hats and will have the head shaved shortly but it is still a shock. The AC treatment is really rough. I hope they come up with new treatments that can just focus on the cancer cells and leave the healthy cells alone. Hopefully, in my life time this will be a reality. I hope to be able to put more links on this blog in the future plus add some other things going on here in Bend. Keep the prayers coming. Keep the cards coming. And when I am up to it I hope to see some of you for a visit.

Hair is falling on my sofa

Hi,

Well the 2nd chemo has passed. And almost on schedule, the hair is falling in greater numbers. I n the shower, on the pillow, in my mouth. Ugh.

Bobby made it to the west coast and back. Cathi is back into her routine in Ireland and I am back itno my routine of docs, ports, shots. etc. A small but necessary world. Not many new cards but calls this week from lots of Marylanders, Jeanne, Lucille, KP (StLouis), Jean (Maryland). So it was good go hear from you or in some cases made a birthday call ....when I still remember though it may be days away from the actual event.

I took Cathi's Raggedy Ann angel doll to chemo this week took Nancy's little pink breast cancer doll last week. Each week it will be another doll or angel sent by someone. I asked permission to bring a camera last week. They said okay if I just aimed at my self....not the others in the room so I will do that.

Weather is cool again....even snow flurries ugh....

I am hoping to rest more this time around. I am still not a great sleeper but hope to rest at least .

I will try to show you some of the things folks sent later in the post. Still making it do what I want the post to do so hang in there with me. This is a model of one of the chemo hats Cathi made with Aine (5) as the model.

Hope you have a good week. Will write more later this week.

Easy as Sunday morning

I think that title is the name of an old 60s or 70s song. I hear songs in my head all the time. I love to sing and think I remember the words to songs easily. Ask me about other things I should remember ....like your name....well, that is another issue. Chemo brain I hear is a real thing so don't be offended if I do not remember your name or respond to an email in a timely fashion.

Went to church today. I will try to make it on days that I feel well. Today is a good day and the weather is glorious. We sat next to a nun who left the parish to retire (at 76). She was back for a visit. She was in our bible study group and is a very good person and fun to be with actually. Nuns these days are not like the ones who taught us in the 50s. These nuns drink and sometimes cuss and are surely in tune with the world. I salute those ladies who are still out there every day doing God's work in a very difficult time. Sr. Mary Perkins, if you read this I am very happy to call you friend and hope you continue your good work in Illinois. God Bless You.

I hope that you are having a good Sunday. Thanks to those who have written me today (emails)

I am heading into the 2ND chemo session in good spirits. I will write more during the week. I will try to add some links soon ( I am still learning how to do this blog thing). Happy Spring!!!

A bit of history

Well, I guess most of you who have been reading this blog know the history. I moved from the east coast in August of 2006. Waited til the fall of 2007 to see a doc here for check up. Many tests were done including a mammogram ( I was past due). They saw something they were concerned about. They sent back east for old films of last mammogram ( 2005). They compared it said yes we have a problem. Called me I went for ultrasound, then got a referral to breast surgeon and the rest is history. Biopsy showed cancer. The MRI and Ultra sound confirmed it. The MRI saw two nodes involved. When they went in for the lumpectomy they saw more cancer than they had thought ( they were thinking 2 cm.). They also found 7 of 23 lymph nodes involved. It was early Stage 3 cancer. I was in shock for a good long while. Eventually, I came around and I educated myself on the whole subject of breast cancer. I knew I had a battle in front of me. One I fully expect to win but a battle none the less. I had a mastectomy of the left breast in February 2008. Spent another 3 weeks or so healing. Chemo started on the 31st of March. I had a rough first week after chemo, but the second week has been a better. I am almost feeling "normal" again. They took some blood levels on Wednesday and all were in normal range so it will be a go for the 2nd Chemo session on Monday, the 14th of April. I am not looking forward to it but know it has to happen for my healing to take place. I will pack my bag for chemo tomorrow with teddy bears, angels, a book, an ipod, some mints etc.

The Journey begins

I am starting my journey with cancer. I have had two surgeries and I am now in the chemo treatment phase. I will use this blog to share with you some things that happen along the way.

The many cards I have received have been overwhelming. Cathi , my daughter, was here this week from Ireland and helped me organize all these cards!

Thank you all so much for your prayers and thoughtfulness.